Announcing the arrival of Gavin Glen Peterson!

Well, now I understand it.  I've always wondered why it takes new parents so long to post on their blogs, etc. about the new baby in their lives.  Now I realize it's because they would much rather be cuddling said sleeping baby all the time!  (That and the fact that they are likely very tired!)

Gavin Glen Peterson came into the world on Monday, July 11 at 1:29pm.  He weighed 7lb 4oz and stretched out to 19.5 inches long.  And because Brandon and I were incredibly blessed to be a part of the lives of his birthparents, they welcomed us into the delivery room just after he was born.  He's absolutely perfect and loved by so many that it's somewhat hard to convey the feelings that I have about this experience through words.  We are without a doubt, beyond imagination, amazingly and astoundingly blessed.  God is good.

On Sunday, we got a call that it was time to head to the hospital.  We met S & D just as the nurse was telling them to go back home.  But just a few short hours later, we were called back at midnight as labor had begun.  Brandon and I snoozed in the waiting room and visited when they were awake.  Then it was time to push!  Gavin's mom was so brave and strong as she worked to bring him into this world while we waited with his birth-grandma for the news.  After 2 1/2 hours, S came to tell us that little Gavin was born and everyone was doing well.  That had to be one of the longest 2 1/2 hours of our lives!  And then the moment we'd waited for so long, she asked if we'd like to hold him. (sigh)

First family pic

The next couple of days went by in a blur as we learned about how to change him, when to feed him, immunizations, and a ton of other things that I'm sure we've tucked away in our adoption notebook.  We were treated so well by Overland Park Regional Medical Center as they gave us our own room where we could care for our son.  We traipsed back and forth between his birthmother's room and ours while we cuddled, fed, and changed him - sharing these first milestones with her.  She was truly amazing.  And it was so obvious how much his birthfather, grandmother, and even great-grandmother love him as they all visited and poured out blessings on his little life.  I am so grateful that we know them and that they will be there when he has questions that we can't answer along the way.

On Wednesday, we got to bring him home and we got settled into the house by unpacking all the diapers and formula.  He was so tired that first day.  He also got to meet Sammy & Bianca that evening and it went really well.  Bianca took to him right away as we were sure she would and Sammy was very concerned whenever he cried.  They spent the first night standing guard as we took shifts feeding and rocking him in the nursery.

Two on the lap, one on the foot stool

Since then, we've spent all our time learning about our baby boy.  He likes to sleep all swaddled up, loves himself a nice full belly, makes adorable faces right before he falls asleep, usually saves the best diapers for Dad, and makes us fall more in love with him every day.  In about one hour from now, he will be one week old.  That's a little surreal to me - where did that week go?  I'm sure we'll say that sort of thing many times for years to come.

There's more to say, but I'm starting to hear my baby wake up.  The wait is over . . . . and the adventure is just beginning.

One day until D-day!

Just a quick note to say that Brandon and I are anxiously anticipating the arrival of our son any day now!  His official due date is tomorrow, July 9th, which just happens to also be the day that Brandon turns the big 3-0.  There is so much to celebrate in our lives.

Thank you for your well-wishes, support, and prayers as we wait out the final days.  We are so grateful for the immense support of our friends and family as we have moved along this journey.

With love,
Janell

The Latest

I have lots to share with you all today!  I suppose that likely means that I should be posting more often, but hey, in order to have things to write about you have to get off of the computer and experience them right?

We've been working on finishing touches for the nursery and starting baby registries and trying not to get too excited over the last couple of weeks.  All that sort of flew out the window on Thursday night when we realized how truly unprepared we were.  D called us and said she had been having contractions all day and ended up at the hospital that night.  We went up, but it turned out to be a false alarm.  On one hand, I'm glad because it was sort of a wake-up call for us to really get ready.  On the other hand (which definitely has the winning edge), I'm bummed because it felt like we were so close to finally welcoming home our child.  Sigh.

So now we are officially less than 2 weeks from the due date and her body is apparently getting ready for the big day.  Also, there is some comfort in knowing that they called us right away when these things were happening.  It was a good thing to share in that with them.

Now, here is something we've all been waiting for . . . it's a boy!!!  No - I'm just kidding.  You all knew that.  Even better though - here's his adorable face!

They had a 3D ultrasound done at the end of May and we were able to get our hands on the pictures!  I told Brandon last night as I looked at one that I've placed on my nightstand how much I want to allow myself to fall in love with that little face, and yet how scared I am that I will get my heart broken if I do.  Oh, how we long for the day when we'll meet him in person!

I also finished the bulk of my sewing for the nursery today!  Hooray!  Brandon has been making frames for the letters of baby's name that will have the colors on the opposite wall as their background.  There are as many letters as there are colors so it worked perfectly (today's name clue!).  We also created a light fixture for the corner with some Japanese lanterns that turned out pretty cute.  I think I'm going to wait until my Mom comes to visit to make the curtains so she can help with that!  Here are some pictures of his little room!

All that's really left is the windows and the frames that will hang above the bed

The dresser colors match the wall and you can see the beginning of the bear collection

Yay for finished homemade bedding!!!  Now I'm a sewing junkie!

My how far we've come!

Baby-moon

I surprised Brandon with a little "Babymoon" last weekend before the little one arrives.  I've been super-sneaky planning it out for at least a month and we finally got to go!  It was so nice to peel him away from work for a while and just relax in the little town of Excelsior Springs at the wonderful Inn on Crescent Lake.

The Casbah Room

Our babymoon surprise - those strawberries were amazing!

Our room had a red clawfoot tub.  I just couldn't resist.

This was the ice house for the estate.  They would harvest the ice from the lake and store it here!

Our lovely Friday morning walk after a nice rain storm

Bet you'll never guess what we wished for on the "Wishing Vine"

You have to do what it says right?

We were paddling so fast you could have water skied back there!

Last day sitting on the porch at the inn.  Do you see Davis?

Davis made a new friend while we biked at Watkins Mill State Park

Only about three more weeks to go!!!

It's June!

I do have to admit that May flew by with gusto!  It was the busiest time of the year for me at the Symphony as we prepared for our annual Contributor's Concert and Celebration at the Station that were both in the same week.  Whew!  I may have only been here for 3 1/2 months, but it sure feels like longer some days.  Both events went very well and I'm excited to settle in for the summer with those under my belt.

Fireworks over Liberty Memorial at the KC Symphony's Celebration at the Station

We've also been doing our best to enjoy the weather as it is finally staying warm.  It went back and forth for so long that my body and our flowers were highly confused.  Of course, one of our favorite summer pastimes is in full swing and we've already made several trips over to watch the boys in blue.  Brandon got us some wonderful tickets through his office and we're planning to enjoy them with our friends Eric and Jen this summer.  I picked the games with $1 hot dogs and fireworks of course (I'm such a die-hard fan!)

Go Royals!!!

Brandon borrowed the pink glove from the little girl behind us to defend us all
from foul balls.  Look at that determination!

Brandon and I have also been adding more finishing touches to the baby's room.  I've almost got all of the sewing done (I had to take a break to make a bridesmaid's dress for a friend) and I also found this gigantic cuddly friend to add to the decor.  We'll see if it's fun or terrifying for the little tyke!

So far our favorite name suggestion is General Sterling Price - what's yours?

If you are friends with Brandon on Facebook, you may have heard that we had a rough weekend last weekend in the adoption department.  I wasn't sure whether I even wanted to mention this here, but because this is our way to share this journey, I decided I wanted to share it.  Late on Saturday evening I picked up a voicemail message from the birthfather that indicated we needed to talk because they were having second thoughts.  Unfortunately, it was too late to return the call and so we had to spend a sad and sleepless night/morning before we could find out what was happening.  There were so many thoughts that went through our minds, but I think that the biggest realization was that neither of us was angry that these people we have come to know would be having second thoughts.  Wouldn't we?  Of course, we were frightened and sad at the potential for losing this child, but we have prepared ourselves for the reality that it could happen at any time. 

As it turns out, I was able to talk with them the next day and the message was left in an emotional moment after a difficult day and he apologized for his actions.  Everything was still going to happen as planned, and he was sorry.  Thank you Lord!  On this day, we are still moving forward.  Brandon and I are still a bit shell-shocked and hurt, but also immensely grateful.  For myself, I realized that the pain and grief I was feeling on Saturday night was more for the loss of "normal" than anything else.  I was angry that I couldn't buy a giant bear and baby clothes and not feel silly for doing it.  I was sad that while a pregnant couple would be having baby showers, we were trying to figure out what essentials to buy to bring our baby home without wanting to have so many things that would be painful reminders if it turns out that we don't.  Any celebration or hope is laced with a bit of hesitation and sadness and it's this that I'm still trying to come to terms with.  I know that eventually, once our child is with us, those things will be covered over with joy.  But for now, I'm going to allow myself to cry a bit over those losses.

On a final happy note, D told me that she had a 3D sonogram at her last doctor's appointment.  He has hair!  :)  Love to you all!

All the little blessings

This has been a week that has continually affirmed God's plan and his hand on our lives.  It all started last week when we went to the Royals game with D & S.  On the way, S (baby's birthfather) asked what we had been learning about in church that day.  I replied that we were studying Matthew 7 in our class.  He responded that there was a verse in Matthew 7 that he really liked, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened."  Brandon and I were a bit taken aback and replied with a bit of awe that this was the very verse we had been discussing that morning.  I felt like the Lord was telling us, "I'm here and I'm in this with you."

On Friday, I had the pleasure of spending the evening at the mall with D.  We talked about so many things both related and unrelated to the adoption.  I learned about her love of candles and her favorite scent at Bath & Body Works, her childhood pets, her favorite Disney movie, the things that she enjoys cooking, etc., etc.  It was such a special time for me to continue to build relationship with this woman who is carrying the child she intends for us to raise.  When we took a moment to sit, I mentioned how this weekend presented a unique holiday experience for the two of us.  She agreed and said, "You must be so excited!"  It allowed me to further realize that perhaps maybe I could be.  We also talked about how she planned to handle naming the baby, to which she replied "I thought you would probably name him - he's yours"!

Today is the first time I have attended a Mother's Day church service in at least two years.  The first one I attended after we realized we were having difficulty getting pregnant blind-sided me, and I felt I needed to avoid them out of self-preservation after that.  This year, we are the closest we have ever been to our dream of being parents and for today, I'm going to allow myself to enjoy it.  D even called this morning to leave me a message and started with "Happy Mother's Day!  Well, almost anyway . . . "  Yes, she's right.  It is a happy mother's day.

Play Ball!

Today we had the pleasure of taking the baby's birthparents to a Kansas City Royals game!  It was COLD for May 1st, but we endured and cheered the team on to a win.  It was special for D (the birthmother) because she hadn't been to a Royals game since she was too young to remember.  I was reminded how much I enjoy sharing this pastime with my hubby.  He's converted me - just not to listening on the radio!  I'm excited by the thought of his being able to share this passion with his son someday.

Tomorrow, I will get to join D at her first appointment with the doctor who will likely deliver the baby.  She has asked me if I'd be able to come along because she's not particularly fond of hospitals and of course I'm honored.  Of course!!!

We're expecting!

Yes, you read that title right.  Brandon and I are now what some might call "paper pregnant"!

We were contacted by a dear friend on the afternoon of April 8th about a birthfamily who was looking for adoptive parents for their child.  We were actually visiting a maternity home in Wichita when we received the message, and spent nearly the entire trip home on the phone.  First we talked to the friend of my friend's mother, then I called one of our adoption group friends; then we talked to the friend's mother's friend's cousin (the baby's grandmother); then I called our lawyer and another adoption group friend; then while I was on the phone the birthparents called and after talking with our lawyer we called them back.  We had a pleasant and brief conversation and set up a time to meet them the next day.

Since then it's been this strange mix of excitement and fear for us.  We've met and talked with them several times and they have met with our lawyer and started some of the necessary paperwork.  The most important thing for us now is that we all get to know each other, so that we all feel comfortable in the decisions we will make moving forward.  This is especially important because nothing is final until 12 hours after she has given birth and they sign the papers that tranfer parental rights to Brandon and I.  Please pray for all of us!

Brandon and I realized that there is not really anything we can compare this experience to.  It's somewhat as if we are pregnant, but have a much shorter time to prepare and no certainty that there may be a baby in our arms at the end of it all.  We want to allow ourselves to be hopeful and to prepare our hearts, but it is very difficult when you feel such an instinctual need to guard them at the same time.  So for now, we're doing the things needed to prepare our home.  We finally got a mattress for the crib and started looking at strollers and car seats.  Fortunately, the nursery was already painted some time ago.  I'm glad we took it a little at a time.

If God has chosen this child for us, we will be parents of a beautiful baby boy in a little over two months!  If you are hearing this news here for the first time, please don't be offended.  We've found it's somewhat difficult to start a "we're pregnant" conversation when we physically aren't and there is still so much uncertainty.  We have been so blessed by the outpouring of support and love from our friends and family.  Thanks to each of you for standing by us as we've walked this journey.  Perhaps we might find the end of the path just over that horizon.

With love,
Janell

Journey Update

I can't decide if I have less to blog about in the last few months, or if the new job has me busy enough that I haven't had as much time.  Either way - it's time for an update!

I am enjoying my new position and the people that I am meeting along the way.  There are so many wonderful folks involved in supporting the Symphony and I am really honored to be working with and for them.  Brandon's role at work is changing as more people are added to his team and they gain more and more clients that have to be up and running by the end of the year.  He says he's ready for Christmas.  :)

We've been watching our plants and flowers spring up around the house and working on little projects here and there.  I think this may be one of our longest runs without some sort of major home improvement project in the works!  Instead, I've been concentrating on learning to sew and creating new jewelry to sell at a consignment boutique this month.  That has definitely kept me busy.

Brandon is back to cycling again and went on a nice 45-mile ride last weekend.  He thinks that these "little" rides are no big deal and I wonder what he's thinking!  I've joined friends at a couple of 5K races and enjoyed the spring weather while I pounded the pavement.  Who would have guessed that I would enjoy running?  It is a lot more fun when I have friends to do my races with though.  Now if I could just get more motivated to train in between those races!

We have recently visited a great facility in Wichita called Circle of Love Maternity Home.  It is a place where birth mothers who are making an adoption plan can live while they complete their pregnancy and be cared for and nurtured by the staff.  It's a lovely place and only open since October, so we are going to place our profile there as a tool for the counselor to show birth mothers what an adoptive family looks like.  It's a possibility that after she shows them, they might want to know more about us and we could move on from there.

Last, but certainly not least, I want to share that we are currently in the midst of a situation that puts us closer than ever to our dream of adopting.  It's really too early in the process to share a lot of details with the whole world, but we would appreciate your prayers and thoughts as we make decisions in the next few weeks.  When the time is right, I will update you all with more information.  Hopefully it will be a big announcement!

Some big news!

Now that everything is official and I have been on the job for almost three (very fast) weeks, I thought I should update the blog.  I am now the Volunteer & Events Manager at our Symphony!  How great is that?

This is such a great opportunity for me to blend so many areas that I love into my work and I am immensely grateful for the opportunity.  I have been busy meeting all of our amazing auxiliary volunteers and have my first event tomorrow!  No reason to wade in slowly, right?

We are still in the waiting stages of our adoption and continue to pray for the mother and child that will become a part of our lives someday.  In just a few months it will be necessary for us to update our homestudy if we have not yet been matched.  It feels like it was so long ago that we went through that process now.  I hope the renewal is easier than the original!  Yikes!  Surely there is a LITTLE bit less paperwork.

Brandon is steadily working away at his job and we are both looking forward to the return of warm weather.  I'm anxious to try gardening again for the second time.  He's looking forward to getting back on his bicycle.  We're both looking forward to weekends at the lake.  Here's to warm weather and the beginning of Daylight Savings Time!

I scream, you scream . . .

Davis had a great time at glace

As my closest friends will tell you, I will eat ice cream no matter the outdoor temperature.  This weekend we were out with friends and after dinner decided to try out one of the new local ice cream shops.  It has lots of wonderful unique flavors and I combined Venezuelan Dark Chocolate and Peanut Butter - yum!  The taste I had of the Lavender was amazing too.  I will certainly have to go back and try out a few more flavors as the weather warms!

Struggling

This has been a difficult week.  It feels like there are so many choices to be made and I have so little control over any of them.  It finally got to the point where I just painted our living and dining room so I could have some control over SOMETHING in my life - even if it was just a paint color.  I suppose I was surprised that I had done so well during the holiday season this year.  Last year the only things I could hear at Christmas were about the pregnant Mary and baby Jesus.  This year I was better able to focus on the real reason for the season and not focus quite so much on the adorable little ones in their sweet Christmas outfits or the way we were only filling an extra stocking for our dogs again this year.  (Not that I didn't think about those things - obviously I did because I'm writing about them here.  They just didn't impact me like they had in the past.)

Surprisingly, it's an upcoming milestone birthday that has me reeling instead.  It shouldn't make that much difference because it's only another day.  Just a number, right?  Unfortunately, that number is plastered all over fertility calendars and graphs and it's at this number that the line begins to plummet downward.  Suddenly, I lie awake at night and I can HEAR the clock ticking.  We're running out of time.  I've also been faced with the question of whether I'm "mature" recently.  This simply compounded the issue.  On one hand I want to be young and fertile with no laugh lines or gray hairs, on the other I'm ready to be a "grown-up".  I even see it when I go shopping!  I'm definitely not "Forever 21", but I'm by no means thrilled by the "Womens" department either.  I'm living in limbo-land with a yearning desire for some solid footing.

Perhaps someday soon there will be progress in one of the areas I'm wondering about.  For now, I've been convicted to get on my knees and to open up my Bible.  I certainly don't have the answers right now, but I know there is a plan for our lives that is greater than anything I could come up with on my own.  It's time to go back and claim Jeremiah 29:11 again.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future."

Happy New Year!

I received a newsletter today with this poem printed on the back cover.  I thought how appropriate it is as Brandon and I enter another year of waiting and hoping that this will be the one.  We continue to have hope and as long as we've got that, I'm convinced we will be okay.  Dum spiro, spero.

As I Wait by Sara DeLong
I see you, Little One, snuggled in my dreams,
Cooing and laughing at unseen things.
Dressed in your best, you light up a room,
And I pray, harder than ever, that you will be here soon.

I feel you, Sweet Child, lying in my arms,
Knowing you’re safe from unseen harm.
I smell you, and touch you, and try to keep you safe,
As you move so slowly, out of my dreamy embrace.

Sometimes you’re a boy and sometimes a girl,
No matter, to me you are my entire world.
I look at your prepared and empty baby room,
And beg for patience, knowing it will be filled soon.

Each time I dream of you I feel closer somehow,
To knowing that it one day will be true in His power.
It’s hard to let you go from that mind altering place,
And I pray that each night I will again see your face.

I am waiting and wishing and praying each day,
That you and your birthparents are following His way,
And in time you all will know that things will be fine,
When you choose to relinquish yourself to His time.

Know that every day I pray for you all,
Asking Him to give you guidance and peace through the turmoil.
This is a life-altering decision to make,
For your future, dear baby, is what is at stake.

As I wait for the call to inform us we’re chosen,
I pray for your parents’ hearts that I know will be broken.
They are choosing the path of your future and life,
And it is filling them with dread, despair, and with strife.

I don’t know who they are, or if you are here yet,
But my prayers still go up until we all have met.
My path has been chosen. I’m waiting for you.
My Lord and my Savior will always be true.

He knows the time and day and the moment we shall meet,
And fills my cup overflowing for then we will be complete.
So while I wait for you, Dear One, I ask one simple thing,
Rest peacefully in His arms, and listen to the angels sing.

Breathe in the Holy of Holies, for He is everything,
Joy, and life, and contentment, to us all things He brings.
Know that we are waiting for you to join us soon,
Where we can be a family and happiness will bloom.